EU5 - The Cologne Way
Updated: Nov 21, 2021
German phrases I’ve learned:
(disclaimer: I’ve spelt them in a way that makes sense to me and is in no way accurate)
shoon di sootz zeeyen: nice to meet you
danka schoon : thanks!
Shuuuuuuz: bye
Allo: sup dawg?
Cologne as a collective culture really was my favorite of all. These people just know how to have a good time. Reminded me of my NOLA peeps. Laissez le bon temps rouler! They called their way of life the “Cologne Solution”.
I learned many of these things by going on a free walking tour of the city. It was so interesting and I'm afraid I can't remember most of the stories. One in particular, made a lasting impact. Tunnes and Schal. They are two statues across from the Romanesce Grob St. Martin church. Tunnes on the left and Schal on the right. They are both meant to represent characteristics of the cologne people. Legend has it, rubbing one nose with bring you love. Rubbing the other nose will bring you wealth. I don't usually pay any mind to these traditions and felt rather silly doing it. But, damn y'all, this had like a two week turn around for me! 10/10 recommend visiting Tunnes and seeing where life takes you :) <3
I'll share my favorite example of this "Cologne solution". Near the famous catherdral, there were exposed roman ruins within a parking lot, excuse me, “car park”. Look at my European terms shining through.
This was quite literally a building project on a timeline. Get it ;)
They began to build this underground parking lot right beside the cathedral, came upon some ruins, and instead of taking the time to let architects uncover them properly they just built around it. There was a still FUNCTIONING?!? ancient water well also in this car park, about 200 yards from the large ruins. Blows my mind. They were just like yeah, let us keep it here to provide for parking lot ambiance. PS this cathedral, the Dom, houses the bones of the three wise men. I think the way they got them was rather sketchy, but they have them in their possession now nonetheless. This cathedral was beautifully ornate, detailed, and seemed to go on forever and into the clouds. I walked through this cathedral but also saw it from a super high observatory tower Tasch took me to. This was such a cool idea. Just clear walls with little stencil paintings of the landmark straight ahead. I love skylines and learning of what makes a city special. That’s all here. **smiling w jazz hands emoji**
What is also great about a city, other than its views? Its local brews. Yes, I did get satisfaction from that (views/brews) rhyming so effortlessly. There was a pathway with breweries just lined up along the edges with outdoor seating. I’m pretty sure I had a dream about this type of place once and thought it was heaven. Turns out it is. Only negative is that the beer glasses are like tall shot glasses size. It wasn’t the huge picturesque german beer mug size I was expecting. Smaller size just meant larger quantity and ability to try more brews so I really ended up a winner. Apparentlyyyyyyyy, any brewery that can see the tips of The Dom (that huge cathedral) can be categorized as a “Kolsch” beer. Tasch said there was about 16. I’ll give you one guess as to what my next travel goal was.
Here is the list of what I accomplished. I’m putting it in bullet form so that you wont notice that I didn’t make it to 16.
Anddddd now I’ve explicitly given away my biggest failure.
I’ll try again next year y’all. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint. Tasch told me that I eat so slow and drink so fast. I’ve never been so flattered.
Sion (fav)
Muehlen
Frueh
Reissdorf
Peters
Sester
suenner
Gilden
Gaffel
Dom
paeffgem
At the grocery story that night we got bratwurst sausages, some shaped normal and some like a snail. Also picked up beer and then bread from the bakery. We took allll these goodies to a park right outside of tasch’s place and had a picnic/bbq with some of her friends. It was so nice to meet everyone! I even got to see the two girls that I met in Las Vegas last year. Y’all, I tried slacklining. Not a future career in store, I’ll tell ya that much. I also found a plalyset nearby, however, and successfully did a few pullover/backhipcircle sequences. Proud of me, Brandy?
For my soul mates out there who are still not over the European coffee NONSENSE;
I ultimately found my it, cold brew, in a city called Ehrenfeldand the second day of my travel. I got so giddy time seemed to slow down. I probably jumped up and down while I was listening to the barista describe their cold brew to Tasch and I could tell it was the real deal. I had tasch order me one and then I see the chick pull out what looks like a 1/2C measuring cup and was like hollllllllll upppppppp. And so I immediately asked Tasch to up my single cold brew to three cold brew coffees. Price was irrelevant. I needed it. I could tell that Tasch needed me to calm down but in that moment I didn’t feeeeeellll like I was being dramatic. She talked the girl into giving me a normal adult sized cup and I guess that was a happy medium for the scenario.
Hahahahhahah oh yes. Let’s talk about why, thank god, I acquired coffee this day. Let’s talk a little about Dragonfeiltz in Bonn. Dragonfeiltz gave me a run for my money. Much like traveling, hiking is something that I love but am not all that talented at. This was considered a hill. Brooke, you can handle a hill, right? Oh, for sure. No problemoooooooo. Like, idk if y’all are aware of all those hill sprints in Mississippi I did as preparation. I’m ready.
Turns out I definitely wasn’t ready. I’ve legit never seen a more steep surface that wasn’t in stair form. I’m talking, treadmill elevation levels don’t even reach a comparable association. I was like heavy breathing but trying to make it come across as if I was laughing to mask my out-of-shape-ness. I was sweating bullets about 1/3 the way up and it was 60 degree weather.
Somehow, Tascha went into “mountain goat mode” and just started bouncing upwards. Meanwhile, I was waiting on Kutcher to come out and tell me this wasn’t a real place. Pretty early on in our climb, a family with kids passed us up. These kids were on donkeys though. I really wanted to be on a donkey. Later on, however (and even worse for my ego), I was so so so tired that I stopped to sit on the pathway wall bc I really was struggling that hard. I’m very aware of the whole keeping up momentum is important thing, so me stopping tells you how exhausted my body was. Oh my gosh wait. Can I blame this on elevation? Oxygen levels and Hgb and stuff? Let me know. Imma do it. Anywhooooooo. Sitting on this ledge was like sitting sideways on the middle part of one of those old-timey silver slides. You know the ones that kids always fall off on in the AFV bits? I told tascha that if she would’ve even slightly poked me I would’ve rolled all the way down and to give my planner to Sarah G.. Not to mention that during this wimp-break of mine, a literal herd of elderly men in thick white socks and skechers hiked up right past my out-of-shape-a$$. Ego was and is bruised indefinitely.
PS boys, never fall in love in Cologne. It is a very duty intensive process. There are two steps. One more duty intensive than the other. Step one: buy a lock and go put it on this bridge. Same as Paris, nbd, right? Super chill task. Step two: go to a tree farm. Pick a tree. Cut it down. Transport it to outside the home of your lady. Plant it outside and then decorate it with colorful ribbons. All on May 1st. Well, the lock part is not time sensitive but the tree part def seems so. The lady has to wake up to that tree outside y’all. Oh, were you already busy on April 30th ? Too bad. Relationship over.
Quick facts:
They all put their empty bottles on top of the trashcans so that the less fortunate people can gather them all up and return them for cash monies
My phone health app has clocked me walked 35 miles already and I arrive 3.5 days ago.
Dusseldorf is to Koln as Bama is to LSU.
Wouldn’t you know my free walking tour guide in Eigelstein was an Aussie. Yes, I did ask him about Cloud 9. Yes, he missed it almost as much as I.
Realized the night before my train to Amsterdam, while eating rhubarb crumble with Tasch and her roomie that I never purchased my flight to Norway. Slightttttt oversight on my part. I think Tasch was more worried than me though. I was just like, “oh well, guess I should do that now.” And Tasch was like, “wow you have really become more calm since Australia.”
Now for a three hour train to Amsterdam!! EEEEEkkk!!!!